Calorie-Free Cake -- just kidding

Consider yourself warned: I'm climbing on my soapbox for a little rant. 

When I began considering baking a cake per week until 2018, I pitched the idea to my ever-wise Facebook crew. And they were generally supportive - because, cake! - but were also, surprisingly, full of health advice - because, cake? - but it got me to thinking and actually aggravated me. Problem #1 with crowd-sourcing your dreams. 

There were suggestions about ways to share the cakes to keep from eating it all, tips on how to save calories/fats, and suggestions for healthier recipes. And I get it, 10 weeks of cake is a lot of cake, but my first thought when someone suggests a challenge like that is "ooh, how do I get on board" or "here's my recipe for at-home Baker's Joy" or my husband's initial reaction, "how can you afford that much butter and vanilla?" 

So, I'm kinda pissed that these suggestions about health, diet, and calorie counting clogged up my fun query and dampened my excitement. 

First, food is important. We need it to survive but in a privileged society where we aren't solely focused on nourishment, we also have the opportunity to really enjoy it. I have the great fortune to be able to spend money at grocery stores, to spend time cooking for myself and the ones I love, and to go out and enjoy the gift of other people's professional cooking. So why shouldn't I take the next two months to not only enjoy the fruits of my baking and the results of new experimental recipes, but also to reconnect with my love of cooking? 

Which makes me think this: is it because I proposed the challenge?

I recently watched a (ridiculous) Refinery 29 video about an employee who ate nothing but pizza (or the closest approximations thereof) four times a day for five days. 

Homegirl had breakfast pizza, homemade gluten-free pizza, fruit + Nutella pizza, classic $1 NYC slices etc. and she lived happily ever after, save for one stomachache. However, a Facebook comment stood out to me: how would this comment thread be different if she wasn't a cute, thin, white girl? 

What would your gut (no pun, intended) reaction be to seeing slovenly Kevin from accounting eating 10 slices of pizza a day for a week? Or that big girl at the gym who only lasts 5 minutes on the treadmill? "We" - the collective group of people with opinions and wifi - would not stand for it. Why? It's five days out of someone's life! They could be healthy. They could regularly exercise. They could be  are just damn fine without our concern for their well-being. 

I'm not skinny, but aside from some Smaug-worthy heartburn and allergies from hell, I'm pretty healthy. This barely muscular, doughy, and perfectly imperfect body gets through the day without too many complaints. It nourished and brought a wonderfully healthy baby boy into the world and it only gained 12 pounds to do so (7 of which were exclusively baby) and so far, it's nursed him for 15+ months while losing the baby weight + an additional 30 pounds. So I've had to ask myself a la Carrie Bradshaw: would a cake-a-week be a big deal if I looked like, say, Carrie Bradshaw? 

Now, these particular people who offered suggestions on Facebook and those who I've explained my cake calendar to since, aren't jerks dropping passive aggressive hints about my weight, sugar intake, or chins. These are all women whom I genuinely respect and who care about me. But that shows you how ingrained discussions of weight, calories and fat are in our culture. We're willing to tell the people we love, whose ideas we fully support, that they should be thinking about their diet...constantly and that they don't deserve to indulge. It's subtle and well-intended conversation, but it's coming from a place, deep within all of us that is paralyzed at the thought of being unattractive. This self-consciousness is such a part of who we are that we can't be held accountable for our own behavior. It's like a compulsion to share and defend ourselves at the same time; "I care about my health. I'm bettering myself! See? Now, you should too!" 

All that being said, I appreciate another element of the culture of my she-tribe, that we look out for each other. We only want the best for each other and I'm sure they'd be alarmed if I expressed an interest in anything dangerous or truly, immediately unhealthy. But I just hate how this observation speaks to all of our fears and panic. I want to take the time to be more thoughtful in my conversations with others, especially with other women, about their plans/dreams/challenges and not be dismissive. I need to reprogram my subconscious to ask more personal, positive questions and offer real, helpful thoughts instead of jumping to negativity. 

I need to be asking myself: is this something I would say if they were talking about or doing something "traditional" or "healthy" or "generous"? Can't their excitement over baking ten cakes warrant the same excitement I'd give someone trying a kale-of-the-month club? Shouldn't I be as proud of them taking up disc golf as I would be of their interest in Soul Cycle? Why am I not praising their decision to go out on a date without the kids as much as I do their macaroni art projects with the two toddlers? 

Taste Test: Coca-Cola Life

We’re back from Memorial Day and bringing you another taste test of an American classic: Coca-Cola. This time, we’re comparing classic Coca-Cola to new-to-the-US Coca-Cola Life.

Coca-Cola Life was debuted in Argentina in 2013, followed closely by a release in Chile. It was designed cooperatively by their mad soda scientist labs. Life is a healthier version of Coke in several interesting ways.

Where traditional Coke in an eight-ounce glass bottle has a little over 93 calories, Life has only 60. This makes it a reduced-calorie soda, not a mythical diet drink with zero (less than 4 calories/12 oz.) calories.

The difference in calories also comes from the varied sweeteners used. The Coke of our childhood relies on high fructose corn syrup for its classic sweetness. Cult followers of Diet Coke and Coke Zero (I do love me some Zero) know and love it's aspartame flavoring. There’s also what J and I (incorrectly?) call Mexican Coke - which comes in taller glass bottles with Spanish labels - and is made purely from cane sugar.

Now we have to start splitting hairs and for lack of a better cliche, choosing the lesser of two evils. This is not unlike the low-fat, no-fat, high-fat diet stupidity we’ve all considered while in the butter aisle.  Unsalted butter is just made from cream, but it’s so fatty...I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter spray has no calories or real ingredients...Which is worse for you?

Coca – Cola Classic

Made with high fructose corn syrup  

+ High calorie

= Highly processed, bad for you

Diet Coke/Coke Zero

Sweetened with aspartame

+ Low- or zero-calories

= Highly processed, but better for you than corn syrup

“Mexican Coke”

Sweetened with pure cane sugar

+ High calorie

= “Clean eating,” but still high calorie and should be consumed in moderation

Coke Life

Sweetened with cane sugar and stevia

     + Reduced calorie

     = “Clean eating” and moderate calorie

Theoretically, Coke Life should be the healthiest choice on the market. It’s lower calorie and made from natural ingredients. But, we all know that the bigger question is - Is it the most delicious choice?

Just like our other product review Taste Tests, this one will be based on what I call fundamental criteria. For a Coke, those criteria include: Color, Fizz, and Flavor; Flavor will be broken into the parts I call The Sweetness and The Burn.

The Color:

In the South, every caramel-colored carbonated drink is called coke. When we think of dark, rich sodas, Coke is what instantly comes to mind, even though RC and Pepsi have big bottling industries in the South. It’s such a striking image of almost black contents contrasted against that bright red logo. Iconic, really.  And in the bottle, Coke Life looks pretty similar to classic Coca-Cola. I will argue, however, that the glass bottle of dark liquid with a green swath across its mid-section looks a lot like another classic product that’s stood the test of time: Kikkoman (reduced sodium) soy sauce. (J, however, liked the styling, calling it “clean” and thought it really gives the impression of being a healthier choice).

But at first pour, I noticed a subtle difference in the colors. Life is lighter in color; it is closer to “caramel” than the tar-like look of Classic. While that may come from the healthier formula (maybe using less artificial dyes), it gives me another impression: watered down Coke. Coke straight from the perfected chalice of a curvy glass bottle is supposed to look its purest; but with this slightly lighter color, it looks like an over-carbonated soda fountain drink.

The Fizz:

Coke has wonderful carbonation and that dark coloring only helps you to see the bubbles bouncing around in every glass. Where Life might not have delivered on color, it brought the bubbles! This was an incredibly heady pour into our antique brandy snifters and the bubbles just kept on coming. To me, Coke is a youthful brand - it reminds you of the treat after school, ice cream floats in the summer, sharing a straw on your first date - and that kinetic energy of childhood is in those bubbles! Too often “green” alternatives can be stuffy and make us show our age (no kid ever independently questioned the GMO content of his nuggets); but Life’s fizz makes could keep young.

The Flavor:

To me, Classic Coke has two distinctive flavors - unbridled sweetness and a sharpness that almost burns as you swallow (and is only more pronounced the less ice you use). Both of these things sound terrible on paper, but on my tongue are perfect! And on both fronts, Life has toned it down a notch; which for J is a great success.

J likes clear-to-yellow soft drinks like Sprite or Mountain Dew and has never been fond of “Coke” (see that Southern colloquialism?). Tasting Life he was quite surprised and we were able to suss out why he hadn’t like Coke before. J has a sweet tooth, but with his sodas he wants balance of sweet and acidity; thus preferring citrus-based soft drinks instead of nothing-but-sugar drinks like Pepsi or Coke. But with dialed back and alternatively sourced sweetness, he was pretty satisfied.

But it was a little too subtle for me. I missed that tangy burn of Classic or “Mexican” Coke and I thought it was verging on Diet Coke flavoring. While many things convey sweetness, nothing tastes like sugar, like, well, SUGAR. Maybe I have a nuanced soda palate or maybe I’ve tried enough sugar substitutes to realize stevia isn’t my thing. It’s not gross or unpleasant, just not my drink of choice.

I guess I’m back to the what’s worse for you battle. And if I’m treating myself to a delicious drink, this wouldn’t be it, I’d choose Classic; If I’m making a calorie-driven choice, I’ll probably go “extreme” and get Coke Zero. The healthier middle-ground approach isn’t quite working for me.

So, we’re back to the obvious: Coca - Cola has something for everyone. Sweettoothed, waist-minded, clean eaters - everyone. If you feel guilty drinking high-calorie AND highly processed stuff, and are seeking a more natural approach, Coke Life could be the thing for you. And even if it’s not, I’m sure they can find something you’ll enjoy (hit up the Taste It! exhibit at World of Coca-Cola in Atlanta to be sure)!

Warm & Hearty Cottage Pie

FACT: Cold days literally require warm and hearty meals that fill you up, raise your temperature and stick to your ribs the rest of the evening.

FACT: Few things are as perfect on a bone-chilling day as meat and potatoes. 

Which makes cottage pie an excellent dish for the bitter winter months. 

Tuesday it hardly got above 30 degrees in our town, and while we aren't trapped in the mega Snowvember storm that's pounding Buffalo, New York; we were mildly distraught at the incredible change in temperature; which made a piping casserole of cottage pie all the more delicious and comforting. 

Cottage pie is a traditional food of the UK - a cousin to shepherd's pie which is made with lamb - with a meat and vegetable ragout traditionally topped with mashed potatoes and baked. It makes for a warm and filling meal, even without any other sides, that leaves you feeling satisfied and your diet balanced. 

My dad made cottage pie a few times when I was younger, and even piped the potatoes on top with pea eyes to look like ghosts once and I loved it. He's been making it more frequently - perhaps out of sheer ease, how inexpensive it is to prepare and how far a dish of it can go, and we've started experimenting with it, too. 

You can take cottage pie in so many directions by swapping out standard meats and veggies, trying new top layers or even funky presentations. I didn't know it at the time, but some of my favorite mini-chefs on MasterChef Junior were actually tasked with elevating shepherd's pie on this week's episode (you can stream the episode and this season on Hulu/HuluPlus). I've tinkered with it some, but I think I've hit my stride with a recipe adapted from Clean Eating magazine (this was one of their few successes I mentioned). 

The meat mixture is actually vegetable-heavy, using very inexpensive winter vegetables like parsnips and carrots and lean meats. I've used beef and ground chicken and they both turned out well. Lean beef still adds some extra fat that gives the dish more juiciness, but if you use ground poultry you can add more broth and simmer it down some. I love ground chicken as a substitute for red meat and even grind it myself with my KitchenAid, and find it far superior to ground turkey which can become unbearably dry. Simmering the meat and vegetables with tomato paste adds an acidity and a richness that pulls all of the flavors together beautifully. Fresh carrots can be assertive, parsnips tend to be perfumy and canned pinto beans are almost bland, but the tomato paste and rosemary bring together the best of each ingredient. 

To avoid carb-o-loading, I top my pie with pureed cauliflower. I've featured cauliflower several times in posts and I think despite being fairly unappealing raw, it is one of the most versatile and delicious vegetables -- and it's almost a dead-ringer for mashed potatoes (but drastically healthier)! When making cauliflower puree as a side dish, I merely steam it then puree with garlic, S&P, and a tablespoon of butter; but to make it more cohesive with the meat, more flavor is needed. The chicken broth adds an earthy, saltiness that can be lacking and the lemon zest brings a surprising pop to what otherwise might be a one-note topping. 

This recipe makes four gigantic servings and is hearty enough to feed a lumberjack but sneaks vegetables in in such a way that even the pickiest child would enjoy it!

I highly recommend checking your local forecast and making this for your next cold winter evening!

"Clean" Cottage Pie

Ingredients:

1 medium sized head of cauliflower, chopped into florets

1/4 c + (see note above about ground turkey) low-sodium chicken or vegetable broth

2 t olive oil

3/4 t lemon zest

salt & pepper

3/4-1 lb ground lean meat

1 parsnip, peeled and finely chopped

1 carrot, peeled and finely chopped

1/2 large red onion, finely chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced

15 oz. can unsalted pinto beans, rinsed and drained

1/4 c unsalted tomato paste

1/4 c finely chopped fresh parsely

1/2 t dried rosemary

paprika

Method:

Preaheat oven to 400 and spray 8x8" baking dish with non-stick cooking spray. Set aside. 

Fill a large saucepan with water and fit a steamer basket on top. When water is boiling, add cauliflower to steamer; cover and steam until cauliflower is tender, about 15 minutes. Using either an immersion blender and bowl or a blender (such as a Ninja) blend cauliflower with olive oil, broth and lemon zest. Add salt and pepper to taste. Blend to desired consistency (I like mine super smooth, but small lumps would be good, too). 

Spray a large skillet with non-stick spray and add the meat. Cook over medium high heat, breaking up the meat with a wooden spoon until cooked through. Transfer meat to a bowl. 

Using same pan, cook sautee parsnip, carrot, onion and garlic until very tender, about 10 minutes. Add meat (and drippings), tomato paste, beans and herbs. Sautee for 3 minutes. (Note: If using a more dry protein, you can add more broth, if needed. I like for it to be "wet" but not sopping; this way it won't dry out while baking.)

Spoon meat-veggie mix into the baking dish, spread in even layer. Top with cauliflower puree and spread evenly. Top with a sprinkle of paprika. 

Bake on top oven rack until hot throughout and cauliflower is lightly browned, about 30 minutes. (Note: you can even broil it the last 2-3 minutes to get some extra brown and a little crunch on top). 

Clean Eating Detox: Day 1

Today is the first day of our two-week clean eating challenge and so far, we're off to a great start! 

Each day of the detox features a breakfast, lunch, daytime snack, dinner and nighttime snack. Day 1's menu included: 

We had a banana-kale smoothie with almond milk, raw almond butter and vanilla extract for breakfast. It was different my idea of a smoothie because it wasn't overwhelmingly sweet like many commercial smoothies made with flavored yogurt or ice cream, and it had a gritty texture from the kale, opposed to a smoother, fruit and dairy-heavy drink. But the flavor is great and doesn't taste like a cliche "health-food." And it was a huge portion and kept me full for a long time. This eased my big fear that we are doomed to starve to death on this diet. 

For lunch we had a shaved asparagus salad with shallots and fried eggs. Again, this was another substantial dish that filled me up - and I couldn't even eat it all! We eat salads fairly frequently but never like this! I've never shaved asparagus or added fried eggs to salads and it was delicious. Also, the dressing was just lemon juice and it added a surprising complexity. My only complaint was that there was way too much tomato (which I don't like to begin with) which made the salad almost too big and watery; next time I'd only use half a tomato per salad. We will be making this again for sure!

One of our two snacks was three medium-sized carrots cut into matchsticks with 1/4 c of hummus. I was so full from lunch that I actually didn't eat mine and J found it to be almost too many carrots to eat. 

For dinner we made several "big batch" recipes that will continue to be used throughout the week, including quinoa, steamed kale, roasted chicken breast and orange vinaigrette that were tossed together. This was an excellent entree; another "make again" dish for sure. We had feared that this dish might be flavorless and bland, but it wasn't! The chicken is cooked bone-in, skin-on with only salt and pepper but you allow the seasoned chicken to rest for 30 minutes before cooking and the flavors actually soak in quite well. The quinoa (which we'd never tried before) was perfectly salted and the vinaigrette added lots of acidic, garlic flavor, too! 

As our nighttime snack, we each had a thinly sliced pear with 2 T of raw almond butter. I was skeptical of this - I like pears but almond butter looks a whole lot like paper mache paste, a poor substitute for peanut butter. But it was delicious! It isn't nearly as sweet or smooth as peanut butter but it's texture and subtle sweetness paired perfectly with the pears (or licked right off the plate as I just caught J doing). 

Day 1 synopsis: We've been pleasantly surprised by the flavors and quantity of food in these recipes. My hunger worries are, so far, unfounded. However, we did realize how literally addicted we are to sugar. J's been bemoaning the utter lack of cookies and ice cream in the plan and I'd love to sneak a bite of leftover Easter candy, myself. And the no-coffee rule is already taking it's toll on my husband. Even on a stress-free Sunday, he's dragging without his big mug of coffee. We are technically allowed to have up to three cups of unsweetened green tea, but really who wants to drink that? 

There are also two kitchen observations we made today. The cooking doesn't take an excessive amount of time but you do need to be organized and have your thoughts and plans straight - so don't worry. However, you will go through some dishes! Thankfully, we have used some of our less-frequently-utilized kitchen tools - like our new mandolin and juicer - but have had to run a load through our dishwasher and hand washed two sinks-worth more! 

And in the words of the detox's origin, Buzzfeed - complete with motivational gif; 

"You made it through Day 1 of the Challenge. Way to go!"