Rant of the Day: Fussy Eaters

With over one hundred Endlessly Delicious Life posts and a similar amount of topic “labels,” you can tell that I’m not a picky eater.

I’m not opposed to shopping at discount grocery stores or squeamish with expiration dates (“best buy…” means you can still eat it, right?). I have no problem experimenting with new recipes and ingredients, and I get downright giddy at the prospect of trying a new restaurant.

I never really had a chance to be too choosey.

My parents raised me with a firm foodie hand where I ate what they ate – or I was foraging for my own meals in our pantry (read: soup bean & cornbread nights). I remember an attempt at a Lenten sacrifice where I wanted to be a 40-day vegetarian and Dad said “Well, enjoy cooking your own meals, kid.”

We always had a big garden and canned our own produce, jams, jellies, pickles, and meats; fresh, homegrown food covered our table. The food you grow and cook yourself always tastes better; who would turn that away?

Baby Amanda making eggs with Dad

And for one reason or another we didn’t take expensive vacations together; but could swing a dinner at the new joint in town or drive to Asheville for exotic grub.

I recently read comments from acclaimed chef Curtis Stone that picky eaters aren’t born, they’re made by parents who assume young taste buds only respond to fries and Cheetos, and it got me to thinking about the true meaning of being “picky.”

J and I haven’t yet been blessed with our own little mess-maker(s?), but we have both dealt with our fair share of adult picky eaters and let’s be real, they’re infuriating.

J gets the brunt of this at the restaurant with orders like “I want a Philly cheese steak but with no cheese, no onions, no peppers and turkey instead of steak” or “Can you remove all of the pickle relish from the egg salad?” Um…no. #AintNobodyGotNoTimeForThat

Fiercegifts.tumblr.com

But I get equally aggravated by friends who must pick a restaurant that serves items from their three American food groups: pepperoni pizza, fried chicken items (nuggets, tenders),  and cheddar cheese products (macaroni, grilled cheese). Which automatically nixes 75% of the places I enjoy eating.  

These aren’t people with a biological disposition to be sensitive to various textures, colors or flavors (many people on the autism spectrum have very specific preferences to food) and they aren’t folks who have just realized they don’t appreciate x dish or enjoy the flavor of y, or get heartburn/headaches etc. from z.

These are the jerks whose parents only handed them the kids’ menu and from the crowning of their first tooth imprinted on them their own preferences or scared them away from adventure – “No, you won’t like this; it’s for grownups.”

Nothing makes my eyes twitch quite hearing this familiar discussion:

"Do you want some (Fill in the blank - calamari? sushi? osso buco? salsa verde? imported beer?

"EWWWWW NO! I HATE that!"

" Have you ever tried it?"

"No, but I hate it."

I’m pretty sure an angel loses its wings every time someone does that.

And there lies the reality of being a picky eater versus living the life of an independent thinker and diner. Picky eaters were never given a chance to try new things and didn’t take it upon themselves to explore later in life.

My dad doesn’t eat lemon desserts – pudding, pie, bars, gelatin (well, Jell-o in general) – for whatever reason. And growing up, we never had lemon desserts in the house and if we went out to eat he’d pick over those items on the menu. I decided I didn’t like lemon desserts either, (except for lemon poppyseed muffins). It wasn’t until recently that I actually put thought into why I won’t eat lemon bars, and I tried one… I loved it.

I adopted a similar hatred of blueberries because my mom wouldn’t eat them. Mom likes their flavor, but they discolor the veneer of her front teeth. I don’t have any veneers, caps or false teeth but I turned my nose up at blueberries (except for muffins, again) because I “didn’t like them.” I didn’t even knew the flavor of a blueberry until I was 20. Turns out, they’re pretty good. Now I don’t eat them because they’re so darn expensive.

But that’s just it. I had no idea what these things tasted like, but assumed – either on my own or from mimicking my parents – that they would be awful. The point is that I was (eventually) willing to try and then decide for myself.

You’re not picky if you’ve experienced different ingredients, dishes and flavors and decided you don’t like them. And part of that is probably a personality trait – a willingness to experiment, to try new things and to persevere and try them a few times. For example: If I had only tried mom’s meatloaf, I’d say I don’t like meatloaf; but if I try several recipes, I would find that I love meatloaf! (Sorry, mom.).

Having a list of things you’d rather never eat again doesn’t make you a chicken-nugget-fool, but rather someone with a discerning palate. Even the best, most famous chefs have things they hate. Did you ever see Scott Conant’s infamous rant on Chopped about raw red onions? That actually cost someone $10,000.

In all fairness, and to not belabor our poor choosy eaters, I’ll share my list of things I HATE to eat:

• Licorice and its natural counterparts fennel and star anise: So, so gross. I would say 90% of the world eschews black jellybeans and come to find out it’s not a sad flavor made in a laboratory, but a legit vegetable and spice. Ick.
• Dark beer: I think it’s the bitterness, I just can’t handle it. Wine cooler, please.
• Raw tomato slices: This is totally a texture thing; if you’ll scoop the “guts” out, I’ll gladly add it to my burger, taco or salad.
• Processed cherries (maraschino cherries, cherry pie filling): I love fresh cherries but hate how sickly sweet they get in processed forms.
• Artificial grape/purple flavoring: It all tastes like cough syrup to me. J is the same way with cherry/red flavoring, so we swap Skittles. The only exception has been a Japanese gummy from Skoshbox that tasted just like a real muscadine.
• Fresh mangoes: I think they taste furry (random, I know) and they are a pain in the butt to slice, anyway.
• (not sweet) Pickles: One of my shining moments as a toddler is screaming “NO PICK PICKS!!” as I threw my Happy Meal burger into my mom’s windshield as she was driving. I’m working on this one. I had some amazing pickles at Cedric’s Tavern at the Biltmore Estate and I now enjoy pickled things (green tomatoes, beans and squash).
• Raw red and yellow apples: Again, a texture thing. Red and yellow varieties are much more prone to mealy-ness than green species. I can’t overcome the soft and grainy mouthfeel to enjoy them.

And thus comes my challenge to you: try something new this week. It could be a new recipe, restaurant (let your friends pick!), ingredient or menu item. Just give it a go and decide for yourself it it’s something you like.

Don’t let other folks’ opinions or your own hang-ups (“Ew! Oysters look like snot!”) get in the way of experiencing something new, and potentially wonderful. I read an article about a guy who copied the order of the person in front of him (at fast-food) or to the right of him (sit-down dining). A surprise every time! And many times it turned him on to something he would have never considered but really enjoyed. Sure, sometimes you’ll get a dud, like my Uncle Buddha’s peanut butter & bologna sandwich, but regardless, you’ll never know what you like until you try!

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